people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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