Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
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