I think im going to throw up on grandma
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
