in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
