Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house