im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
