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btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
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