Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.