New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.