So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
