So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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