She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
