i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Randomize
