Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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