your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
