My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
