Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
did i walk over a car last night?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
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