when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
