You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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