How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
