I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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