Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Randomize
