i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
