Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
