I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
