my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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