She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
