jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
