someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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