I wish I could punch you in the face.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
