im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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