Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
