1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
