This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
