So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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