Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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