nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
