I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
