I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
