Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
