You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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