So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
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Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
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Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.