Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
