I have demons in me.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
try lime green
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.