She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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