you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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