My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
