No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
this hospital has no fireball
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize