what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
