Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
