I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
