There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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