i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.