Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
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I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.