I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
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It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
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YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped