I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
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My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
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most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .