her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
