if only i could text you this smell
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I think I swiped left on my soulmate