i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.