so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
