I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
