Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Is it because I queefed?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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