yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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