Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
