There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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