question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
