Got a toothbrush?
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
