first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
