you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
