i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
