dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
