My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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