Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
