i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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