Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
