fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
