Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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