Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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