i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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