he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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